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Photo attribution: Gido Silhouette, 2014, https://www.flickr.com/photos/103499652@N04/13965692785, CC
Sorry about the lag in posts this week! The last few weeks have been one of those periods of time we all have when everything seems to hit the fan at the same time and there doesn't seem to be enough time in a day. However, God has made good use of that time. Part of the craziness included a trip out of state to a conference for our small store. And, naturally, being the homeschooling parents and science geeks that we are, we just had to turn the visit into a field trip by visiting a nearby science museum. That visit proved to be very enlightening as always, although perhaps in a new way to me.
Next fall, our oldest will be heading off to college. Due to the hectic pace of life right now, I have allowed little time to dwell on this fact. We've just pushed ahead with God's plan for her. However, right in the middle of our visit at the museum, I stared at my 4 kids participating in the activities and suddenly felt a lump forming in my throat coupled with an incredible sadness. I realized that the next time we visited this museum and took this annual trip, she would not be with us. Honestly, my heart sort of broke at that moment.
I know that many of you have already experienced this moment and understand my sentiments perfectly. And, yes, I do realize that these future changes will bring many incredibly happy times as well.
But, I am human; I am a mom. I long to keep these moments under my belt. I don't want to lose them. In truth, I'm just not ready. But, ready or not, the changes I would prefer to avoid are coming.
Praise God, practicing the difficult art of the gratitude attitude is proving to be an invaluable tool as I approach this emotional challenge. I am remembering that my kids are "on loan" to me as an amazing and undeserved gift from God. Oddly, this fact does give me comfort.
I also am learning to absorb life right now, noting time with the kids together and apart and taking mental snapshots of moments that strike me. And, although I am not overtly affectionate due to some difficult times in my past, I am making more of an effort to be more "there" physically with the attempt to remember Our Lady's affection for her children.
In addition, of course, is deep gratitude for a Creator Who knows the Grand Plan. I am called here for a purpose. My spouse and each of my children are called for a purpose that is uniquely theirs.
This process of letting go, one I am not good at, is a vital part of my purpose here and is a necessary consequence to the fulfillment of my children's purpose.
In other words, it is vital for me to let go so that that the purposes of 4 more children of God can be fulfilled.
A lot does depend on me and how I go about accepting God's plan for my life - a lot more than I realize. When I dwell on this, I am aware that this reality fills me with a sense of control, an aspect that I know I am gradually losing as the clock ticks on. How good God is that He knows the depths of our souls, tending to our emotional needs with such attentiveness!
Our God is such a great God. I am incredibly humbled to have been granted guardianship over such 4 beautiful souls. I can only pray that I am helping to form them, albeit feebly, in the ways in which He has prepared and desires.
May God, in His infinite wisdom, grant all of us the strength, humility, and gratitude to fulfill our purposes here on earth, giving us all of the grace that we need to approach each challenge ahead with love and conquering trust!
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